Intentional Ways to Feed the Friendship in Your Marriage (for couples with small children)

In the busyness of raising young children, it's easy for couples to drift into roommate mode. But friendship is the foundation of a strong marriage. The following intentional practices—grounded in wisdom from the Gottman Method and real-life experience—can help couples keep their friendship alive and thriving.

Ask Daily Questions (Build Love Maps)

Take 5 minutes at bedtime or during dishes to ask, “What was a high and low for you today?” or “What’s something you’ve been thinking about?” This helps you stay emotionally connected.

Share a Meal Without Screens

Even if it’s just breakfast while the kids are still waking up, take a moment to sit together, talk, and connect.

Schedule a Weekly ‘Friendship Time’

This can be 30 minutes after the kids go to bed. Play a game, sit on the porch, or watch a light-hearted show together. Keep it fun and low-pressure.

Learn Each Other’s Love Languages

When time and energy are limited, small gestures in each other's love language, like a note in a lunchbox or a 10-second hug, can go a long way.

Have Shared Humor and Inside Jokes

Laughing together over parenting fails or toddler tantrums can bond you more than perfect parenting ever could.

Do a Weekly Spiritual or Emotional Check-In

Pray together or talk about how you’re really doing spiritually or emotionally. Even a short check-in can go deep.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Once a week, ask something like: “What’s a dream or goal you have that we haven’t talked about lately?”

Celebrate Small Wins Together

Did one of you get through a tough day without losing it? Celebrate with a high-five or favorite snack after bedtime.

Keep Touch Alive (Affection Matters)

Hold hands while watching a show or kiss goodnight—small physical touches go a long way when you’re exhausted.

Do Something New (Even at Home)

Try a new recipe together or set up a backyard 'date night' once the kids are asleep.

Speak Daily Gratitude

Say thank you for the little things: 'Thanks for changing that diaper' or 'I appreciate you making coffee.'

Create Mini Rituals of Connection

A morning hug, a shared verse, or bedtime check-in—even if short—keeps you close.

Listen to Understand, Not Fix

Sometimes one of you needs to vent without solutions—be a safe space for each other.

Reminisce About Your Early Days

Talk about how you met or your favorite pre-kid adventure—revisit the joy that brought you together.

Serve Together or With the Kids

Deliver cookies to a neighbor, do a kindness project as a family—serving others builds unity and shared meaning.